A Life-Changing Diagnosis: My Journey with Cancer and Caretaker Abuse (An Abstract Introduction)

The diagnosis of cancer is a life-changing event. For it may be the end of life.

By: Anonymous (A Cancer and Abuse Survivor)

When I received the diagnosis of cancer, my life changed in an instant. The shock, fear, and uncertainty that came with that news were overwhelming. It was as if my world had been turned upside down and nothing would ever be the same again.

The diagnosis of cancer is a life-changing event.

For it may be the end of life.

Suddenly, everything that once seemed important or trivial is put into perspective. It is a time when emotions are high, and decisions need to be made quickly. Waiting — can mean more suffering, more difficulties, and possible death.

For me, the journey began with a needed check-up at the doctor’s office. I had been feeling very off, but I never imagined that it could be cancer. The doctor ordered some tests, and before I knew it, I was sitting in their office, hearing the words that would change my life forever: “Go to the emergency room. Now.”

Why? Emergency rooms cannot refuse you.

The cancer was in my lymph nodes next to my lungs.

At first, I was in shock, yet not quite disbelief. I already felt something was wrong. But as the reality sank in more, I started to feel the anxiety that comes with such a diagnosis. I didn’t have fear. It was more of frustration. I was so young and I had so much to do in life, and cancer — and possible death — was coming at precisely the wrong time. The frustration was of the unknown, of the treatment, and of the possible outcome. Fear was not overwhelming, just the fear I may die before accomplishing much. I was an artist, and I needed to create more before death.

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with cancer is the uncertainty that comes with it. There are so many unknowns, from the type and stage of cancer to the treatment options and their effectiveness. It is a time when patients must learn to navigate a complex and often overwhelming healthcare system.

For me, it was the start of a long journey that has lasted a lifetime. Unfortunately, it was also a journey that involved abuse.

As I began treatment, I found that this twisted journey was not just physical, but emotional as well. I had to learn to cope with the side effects of treatment, from the physical pain and discomfort to the emotional toll.

I also had to learn to deal with abuse by a narcissistic sociopath — or are they a psychopath? I believe they lean more towards psychopath with a dash of Münchausen Syndrome by Proxy — and other co-morbidities of well-disguised mental illness, which all weigh on the devious and deceptive spectrum.

Psychopaths and sociopaths have overlapping traits and co-morbidity.

It was also a time when I had to learn to be an advocate for myself. I had to ask questions, seek out information, and make decisions about my treatment and care. It was a time when I had to learn to take control of my life and not let the cancer nor abuse control me. But they did.

That is the purpose of abuse. Control.

And cancer controls no matter what. We can only pretend so much.

Which is worse? Cancer or abuse?

Throughout the journey, I found abuse and neglect at every turn — but also that the support of my oncologists and nurses were life-saving and invaluable.

Many people were involved. Some were there to take advantage of me. Some (the abuser) wanted to financially profit from my illness by stealing money from charities without my knowledge (I found out years later). …And some were there to save me (my doctors). These stories of abuse are too common. Luckily, the stories of kind and skilled oncologists are equally common, because my doctors were my saviors.

I lost my hair. I lost my white blood cells. I lost my home. I almost died a few times. I suffered greatly.

The abuse was worse than the cancer.

The cancer simply didn’t know any better.

It was the abuser that wanted to kill me.

I have not decided yet how much of my story to tell; as it is filled with trauma and years of nightmares. But I am here to start writing the first words.

There are many forms of abuse, and the abused will experience more than one.

Today, as I reflect on my journey with cancer, I am mostly grateful for the experience, but of course not the abuse. It has taught me to appreciate life, to value relationships, and to never take anything for granted. It has also shown me the strength and resilience of the human spirit, and the power of hope and determination.

To anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer, I offer this advice: Take it one day at a time, seek out support, and never give up hope. It is simple, obvious, stereotypical advice.

From there, learn. Learn everything. It will be a fight and you need to learn about your opponent, and who is and is not on your team. So you can live.

My deeper advice will come once I tell more of my story.

Only awareness and the community standing up can stop abuse.

Cancer is a tough opponent, but it is one that can be beaten with the right treatment, support, and attitude.

Cancer patient abuse is a tougher opponent that can last beyond the cancer. Abuse does not disappear nor fade so easily. Abuse is often a twisted maze weaved by sociopaths and psychopaths.

Abusers escape, and the nightmares linger.

Share your own life lessons and tips of wisdom in the comments!

We can educate and warn each other!

We’d like to hear!